my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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