If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
