My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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