Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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