Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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