I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
