You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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