I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
