I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
