the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
