I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
