So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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