Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
