I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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