Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Girls should come with a carfax report
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
