Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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