so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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