And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
