So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
