Kareoke will never be a sober sport
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
