That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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