I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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