Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
