look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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