just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
