okay pat passed out under dana's car
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
