I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
