I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
