Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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