if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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