The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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