nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
