so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
