I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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