I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
