hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
