Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
