We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
