I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
