she was so not down for the gang bang
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
