I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
tell your sister to shave her snatch
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
