But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
