I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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