He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
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