nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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