I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
