whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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