Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
