Hey man sorry I got all grabby
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
