You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
